Relationships Don't Just Happen

 By Peter Dobler



In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.

The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.

From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships

1. Relationships Don't Just Happen

Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.

2. Relationships are Need-based.

Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.

3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge

Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.

4. Relationships That Endure Take Time

Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.

5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.

No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.

6. Relationships Build You Up.

"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.

7. Relationships Are Essential.

It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.

8. Relationships Are For Two.

There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.

9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.

In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.

Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.